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Itís Goodbye from MeÖ


Everyone needs a Darling. Malaysia has had me for a while so it's time to spread the love...

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The Fame Game


I only really have two dishes and I don't expect the judges are going to look favourably on either the Pot Noodle or the Sausage Sandwich.

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The Sporting Life


With draconian policies such as these itís no wonder that Malaysia has never won The Ryder Cup.

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Once Bitten...


I smell like a just-cleaned urinal but some would say it makes a preferable change from the usual body odor.

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Uncle Schmuck


You get Motherís Day, Fatherís Day and even, thanks to the greeting cards industry, Grandparentís Day. But whereís Uncleís Day?

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Summer Holidays


The connoisseur of your proper hotel breakfast is like a wild lion stalking the Savannah.

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The Price of Fame


Iíd like to put a stop to the vicious rumours on Twitter (started by me) that I also had sexual relations with Jemima Khan.

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The Code of the Toilet


If there are three urinals, all vacant, then only a fiend and a blaggard would choose to perform their task at the central unit.

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How to Pick Up ChicksÖErr, Women


This month, strap yourselves in as Iím going to give you a crash course in how to be as attractive, alluring and downright sexy as me.

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Taxiii!!!


Thereís something brilliant about being driven around in KLís famous red-and-white cars. Sometimes I even stop to pay rather than run...

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